my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
