Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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