My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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