Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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