I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
