Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
are you still at the devil's house?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
