You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
