Dual....:-)
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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