Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
