drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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