Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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