I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Even my vagina gasped.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
