I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
