please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The air was thick with penises
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
