you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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