Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
