Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
