I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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