Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
