too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
