We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
