tell your sister to shave her snatch
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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