He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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