White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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