In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
