Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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