I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
