my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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