Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
