You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
