My liver just broke up with me...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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