dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
