I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
