I bet he comes in French.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
