I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
