Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
