I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
