Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you would pick up someone in the library
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
