if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
