So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
