When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
