I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
