Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
