Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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