You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
