Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
