We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
