i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
