Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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