I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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