I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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