I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
