Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
