Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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