think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
