I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
