...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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