This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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