so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
