my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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