When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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