just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
As shirtless as possible
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
