So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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